I Am Rahab…The Struggle
By Beverly Epps-Blackwell
The struggle began for me in the South Bronx, 1368 Webster Ave. Apt. 12F. I am the fifth of seven children. Growing up and being the middle child, I felt I needed to find out who I was. On the inside, I was very loving and caring. But on the outside, I didn’t like myself because of how I thought I appeared to others. I wasn’t that pretty girl with long hair. I was skinny with no curves or upper volume. I believed there was nothing appealing about me (or so I thought). The image I had of myself took me on an over 40-year journey of acceptance.
My journey was filled with self-doubt and I would constantly ask myself questions like: would I fit in? Am I too tall? Is my hair too short? Do I meet their criteria? They would smile in my face, laugh behind my back, all the while I continued to struggle with who I was and people’s opinions of how I looked.
I wanted to end it all because I felt that there was no place for me in society. I didn’t feel loved. I was too skinny and could never have a boyfriend looking like I did. The day came when I tried to end it all by taking a bunch of pills. But thanks be to God who is my lifesaver. He came into that hospital room and stopped the potentially fatal reaction.
Now, like a phoenix, I rise from the ashes of inner struggle. In Psalms 17:8, God let me know that I am the apple of his eye. Psalms 139:14 says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made! All those years I was looking for acceptance on the outside, but now I know that I am accepted in the beloved (Ephesians 1-6 ). Because I am Rahab Too!
Beverly Epps-Blackwell is the founder of Cutting Edge Ministries. She is also the founder of the ministry Women Under Construction. Beverly can be reached via email at moveholyspirit07@gmail.com
WOMEN UNDER CONSTRUCTION! BUILDING UP THE INNER WOMAN.
Women Under Construction is a ministry of spiritual architecture and inner healing designed to help women rebuild their lives. This ministry will reach women who are hurting, broken, and have lost hope. Through seminars and conferences, we will teach foundational building, spiritual security, and how to be renewed in the spirit of your mind.
You are so beautiful. You didn’t even know it but God made you such a beauty. I praise Him for not letting you believe in the lie of the enemy (John 8:44). You got it goin’ on. Keep that up!
Everything you were looking for and what we look for, especially the acceptance is already sown into our very being, you are beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
You are beautiful! This is a story that so many can relate to especially teen girls.
Yes, indeed, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. I could definitely relate to your story. Thank you for sharing your testimony.
What an inspiring and powerful testimony of rising above your inner stuggles, gaining inner peace, and undergoing total transformation by the power of Almighty God!! I am so proud of you for not only sharing your story but because I personally know the depth of passion that your have for assisting other women to overcome their personal battles and helping them rise to embrace what God has destined for them to become.
Thank you for sharing your truth with us…your ministry sounds amazing…blessings for much success.
The woman I met was so self assured an confident an breeming with so much love.
This testimony is so needed. I can relate to how you felt. You were always good enough and you we’re always beautiful. What you have is much needed and you have so much purpose. You are loved and you are amazing . You are a mighty Woman of God. I truly appreciate your transparency. Keep pressing and watch God move in your life even more, in Jesus Name.