I Am Rahab…The Decision Maker
(Excerpt from book 1)
The darkened motel room felt damp and smelled of mildew. She couldn’t spray the permeating odor away, so she burnt candles to mask it. Seeking tranquility, she drank a cup of herbal tea with a shot of corn liquor. The concoction’s effects soothed her, but a broken sign hanging above their room door zapped every five minutes and kept her from sleeping soundly. She decided she shouldn’t sleep. There was too much to do. She struggled up from the bumpy bed, missing the comfort of the one she formerly used and anxiously began reorganizing their belongings.
Have you ever had to make a decision that would change the trajectory of your life?
I did. In 2008 I decided to walk away from my comfortable high paying job of fourteen years for a dream. It was a vision that detailed my availability to my children and the pursuit of a life long goal of owning and operating a bakery. After months of praying (hearing from the Lord, I might add) and going back and forth with the general idea, I took a leap of faith. I signed the Verizon early buy-out retirement package. With a few business and baking and pastry arts certifications under my belt, I took a deep breath and started baking from home. At the same time, I cared for four children: two teenagers, a toddler, and an infant. The business did well. I made a name for myself as, ‘The Cake Lady,’ fulfilling orders in both Pennsylvania and in New York City on top of writing and self-publishing a devotional cookbook. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. But life happens, and when it does, you have to be prepared to stare it straight in the eyes and move forward regardless.
What Happens To A Dream Deferred?
I wasn’t willing to answer that question. Not this time. Because I knew the answer. The dream dies. Your courage fails. Bits and pieces of who you are – fester like a sore and then run. I ran with my dream and was intercepted by life’s realities. My husband was suspended from work. We had been living in our new home for maybe over two years at the time, and one child was heading to college. I couldn’t afford the mortgage solely on my new business income and pension checks. We suffered a massive blow attempting to live on credit cards.
When my husband was rehired, we took out a mortgage modification. We began building back our savings, but then a warped domino effect of setbacks occurred until I surrendered over my baking and gave into years of caregiving for others. The next child went away to school, we took in relatives, we encountered tragedies and then finally the loss of our parents.
How much can a person take?
If it had not been for the Lord on my side, where would I be? Do you know that song? Well, that was my saying. I admit, I questioned God. Lord, you told me to leave my job and pursue my dreams. How could this be? God’s ways are bigger than our ways. Despite everything that we went through, He made a way for us. We never lost our home, and trust me when I say, we should have many times. My husband worked in another state and came home on the weekends. On top of debt, we endured traveling expenses. During the week, I was pretty much a single parent caring for our two little ones, along with various family members coming in and out throughout the years. This included my own mother, who fell ill in 2013 and finally moved in with us in 2016 after years of me traveling back and forth from the city. When I say that God’s ways are greater, I mean that He has the full panoramic view. I could only see what was happening on the surface. Our marriage took a blow, our finances, our children, our parents…but God. He set me up with an opportunity to love, grow, and prosper.
My mother passed away in 2017. During our precious time together, I was able to free my spirit and pen a trilogy that I self-published with my best friend. I also was granted the opportunity to care for the person who brought me into this world, without the interruption of a JOB. God allowed me time. God gave me wisdom and a platform to continue building up that which he proclaimed as holy and acceptable. When I look back over my life, and I think things over. I can truly say that I’ve been blessed. I’ve got a testimony.
Where do I go from here?
Wherever God sends me. Follow your dreams and don’t give up because life stands in the way. Just do what you gotta do and lean on the Lord. Things may not happen or come as you want them to, but He will never leave you nor forsake you. Trust God and keep on keeping on. I left my comfortable high paying job in 2008, and I have no regrets. Now I’m an accomplished writer, business owner, non-profit builder, mother, wife, counselor, preacher, teacher…hey, This Girl Can! Professionally, I haven’t achieved all of my goals, but Gods not done with me yet. Why? Because I am Rahab too.
