I Am Rahab… Staying Focused
by: Monifa Spain

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In this season of my life, in chorus with being a wife, mother, paraprofessional, and entrepreneur, I have voluntarily taken on another challenging assignment. I’ve decided to go BACK TO COLLEGE at the mature age of 49.

About 30 years ago, when I was a naive young woman excitedly pursuing what the world had to offer but lacking the proper vision to do so, I fell short at my opportunity to finish college. I thought other things were more important to chase at that time, such as discovering newfound freedom and a longing to be accepted by my peers. There was an urge for companionship from people that didn’t value me. And, I loosely explored unknown fleshly desires—all this while running from feelings of deeply rooted rejection, undiagnosed depression, and childhood trauma. The world was a splinter in my eye that I rubbed at until it blinded me. Trying to adult while going to college in New York City took a heavy toll on my emotional health and already fragile mental state, but I hid it very well. It wasn’t until years later, when I had a family of my own, that I truly began to feel the pangs of regret. As they grew older, my favorite saying to my kids was, “hindsight is 20/20”, profound advice that I wish I had a revelation of years earlier.

Statistically, you can go back to school for any number of things after age 40. Industries with the most opportunity include healthcare, technology, finance, education, marketing, and business administration. Because I have been working with special needs elementary youth in ESE, choosing Exceptional Student Education was a logical choice for my baccalaureate major.

Today, I feel capable of staying focused on my goal because I have a deeper understanding of who I am due to my strong faith and the knowledge and wisdom I’ve acquired over the years. Certainly not perfect, but much more in tune with my purpose and what it means to me to have a meaningful life. Pursuing a degree isn’t something I feel I have to do, more so than I want to do—my accomplishment. I am presently aligned with what I want to study, and it helps me significantly that I have a support system at home, especially since I’m a mom to a super-hyper, very bright, and animated six-year-old (my two oldest are 21 and 17).

Some might ask why anyone would want to take on such a task at my age, and I would simply say: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and because I am Rahab, too.