I Am Rahab…Challenges
by Monifa S.

I am stating the obvious by saying that 2020 was a very challenging year for everyone. Recently, I was reminiscing through old social media photos of my family and shed a tear at how clueless we all were before March of 2020 when all hell broke loose because of COVID-19, social/racial injustice, political wariness, and economic distress. We all seemed so much happier being busy with our lives, just traveling and enjoying being out and about. We had no clue that things would change so drastically, altering people’s lives forever, many tragically.

I mourned over lives lost, from my own family, and from thousands that I didn’t know. The grief that I felt from losing my grandmother and uncle (not to the virus) toppled with the sadness that I felt for so many people that died unnecessarily due to the Coronavirus brought me to tears.

Despite going through the most challenging year of our lives, my journey within that year was an emotional roller coaster. I made tough decisions regarding my youngest son’s education that centered on his social and emotional development –academically, his intelligence is beyond most Kindergartener’s capabilities– however, he often lacks the level of maturity that is “required” of kids his age. Then, my oldest daughter turned 17 and got a job! As excited as I am for her, she hasn’t had the desire to obtain her permit, which puts pressure on her dad and me to drive her back and forth to work. This task became my sole responsibility for about a month after my husband fell off a ladder and had surgery to repair a broken rotator cuff. He is healing well now and has started physical therapy. It will take him about six months or more to fully recover. Thirdly, my oldest son got married at the ripe young age of 20! Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy for him; he is married to a beautiful, loving, God-fearing young woman, who cares for him deeply, but he was my first-born, and if you’re a mom, you can probably sympathize with how I’m feeling. Lastly, I’ve been having thoughts of changing my profession. Currently, I work with elementary-aged children with various special needs. As much as it can be an enriching experience, it is a tough job where you can encounter daily difficulties.

Aside from all of these emotional escapades, I contracted COVID-19 over the Christmas holiday and felt as though I lost who I was…or who I thought I was supposed to be along that dismal journey. I saw a profound meme one day that read: I don’t know if I’m strong or numb. I tried my best to remain productive, optimistic, and stay on top of things during the pandemic, but my faith often wavered, and I felt as though I failed at keeping it all together. Now that 2021 is here, I know that I must be diligent in manifesting the joy that God has already gifted me, why…because I am Rahab, too.