I Am Rahab… Holding Back the Tears
By: Silvanie Gilbert

I am Rahab. I am mother. Daughter. Sister. Friend. I am wife. I am the one who holds back tears.

It is my Superpower of sorts. A broken marriage will do that, especially when it seems impossible to fix. The world is watching; that’s how it feels. We stood before God– and everyone. We made promises, drank champagne, and opened gifts. I can’t tell them that I was wrong about him. So instead, I hold back the tears. The fights. The arguments. The name-calling. They don’t matter because family is coming for dinner now, so I hold back the tears.

Did you know that water is one of the most powerful substances on Earth? If focused through a jetstream, it can even cut through steel. Tears are no different. They cut deep into the soul. Yet, create a passage to a lifetime of hope. Tears can reclaim purpose, direction, and resilience. And so it was. For years, I hid behind a wall of tears, holding them back with nowhere to go until I drowned in them. But it wasn’t the end; it was only the beginning. God made sure of that. He used my tears to wash me of anger. God used my tears to renew my heart. He used my tears to strengthen my conviction, and then one day, He opened the door, and oceans poured out. They had served their purpose. They’d cut through mountains of anger– eroded walls of bitterness. They’d cleared my vision and helped me to see a new expectation and direction until eventually… I could see His Will.

Holding back the tears, it was my Superpower of sorts. That is until God forged a path of new power, the Superpower called LOVE. He gave me renewed love, in a well deeper than I’d ever imagined. Boundless and unstoppable, that love. Now I understand the journey. I am mother. I am daughter. I am sister. Lover. Friend. I am all that now cries freely… because I am Rahab too.